I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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