So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
