Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
