But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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