You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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