Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
