so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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