he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
