now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
