Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
