How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
