Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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