i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
