bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
