i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
