I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
