Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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