She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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