I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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