It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
