I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
