If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
