google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
