that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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