You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
