he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
