Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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