He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
