he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
