thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
