Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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