i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Randomize
