Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
