Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
