Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
