We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
