Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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