you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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