woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
