I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
