why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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