The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
