It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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