This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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