Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
