she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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