Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
