and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
worst night to have a conscience
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
