dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
