i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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