well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
